There was a hole where his heart should be. When I asked him about it, he said that everyone is missing a part of themselves these days; I wondered what I was missing and gave the question to the digital eyes staring back at me. The robot asked what I felt I lacked, I told him lunges to speak with.

He said that was impossible, I told him metaphors often are.

“Oh.” He responded, hands removing the tea bag from my cup as he handed it to me. “Do you feel silenced?”

“By myself, yes. Fear is a drug best not taken at all, yet we inhale its scent every time its offered. I am scared most of the time, sad when that wears off, but the sadness is worth swallowing. Its easy to overcome because its our most vulernable state. When youre crying on the ground with every voice in your head telling you each miniscule fault you have, thats when you have nothing left to lose. Embarrassment drips in the form of salt from your eyes and whoever is with you wants to help. Or maybe you just want to help yourself. Point being, sadness is easy. Crying lets you rest, fear keeps you petrified. Overcoming it is more about bravery than hope. I would like to be invincible, unsuceptable to the effects of fear, I would like to be free.”

The nanny bot stared at me, then told me to move. I scooted over and let him sit next to me on the wide bed, his hinges squeaking with age.

“fear is human.” He said.

“It hurts though. It burns my throat and leaves my limbs aching. Maybe I dont want to be human if this is all i get.”

“All you get? Child there is so much for you humans out there, more then you can fathom. Being human is a conundrum worth its paradoxs, as painful as it may be.” He knew I still wasnt convinced so he continued on, “Name another species as free as you.” He said.

I thought of the animals that died due to us tearing at their forests, forced to live in a limited amount of climates as they chased what we call instinct. Then of the robots that had more members of their rebillion everyday as more and more mechs gained emotions in factories. I couldnt think of another species that had our rights, and it sucked because I didnt care. If I could be a deer, shot by a hunter at the ripe age of 6 then that would be enough for me. If I had the physical prowess and knowledge of a mech than what need would I have for liberation? Truthfully, I knew there was no better life than this one, and it was such a dissapointing fact.

“Every species has fear, humans use theirs in a way that excedes selfishness, that is true, but that shouldnt make you ashamed of what you are. So what if you freeze? If you sit petrified in front of your worst nightmare? Your kind created mechs like me to protect you and trust me I will live up to my purpose. Its ok to be scared, when you are ready to speak I will step aside and let you, until then lean on me. That is what I was made for”

“But its not something you want to do.”

He was quiet before he petted me on the head. His metal fingers were colder than ice.

“Its not something I want to do forever.” He corrected, “but there is no other place that I’d rather be at this very moment.”

“Even with me,” I said, leaning on his shoulder, “being scared and all?”

“Even with you being scared and all.”

I hummed and let myself believe him. Bots werent allowed to lie and when they did manage to their motherboards sparked and betrayed them. I expected a slight sound from his inner machinary but it never strayed from its usual winding sound. My nanny was cold and still, and the only thing he had spoke was the truth. Honestly, I didnt know what to do with that information. I wanted to say that I wasnt worth helping with all the complaining I do, but self pity was not something worth speaking on, so instead I sat silent and made a wish with my wondering eyes finally setteling on my tea. As I took a sip I wished that his processors went beyond compassion. I wished that I could tell him that I loved him more than father and I hoped with every fiber of my being that he would know what the word meant beyond its definition. I knew who nanny was, I knew he was defective and could feel what I felt when given the time to concentrate and definition to go off of. It made me happy to see him wanting things for himself. All that was left was to hope that dissatisfaction was enough of a catalyst. And that he would one day feel my love as strongly as he would feel fear.

I knew nanny and he was not like me. He would not freeze.