“You don’t want love, you want admiration, and that’s not quite the same.”

“Really?” I questioned, another query already gracing my lips.

“Is love not a kind of admiration though?”

My friend sat on the bench with low eyes as she threw another handful of seeds at the pigions praying in gratitude at her feet. She was wearing her signiture gold jewlery with a yellow and green sports jacket, jorts, and green shoes. She loved street wear and dramatic styles and I was honestly surprised she was dressed so tame today.

Still, her looks were the last thing on my mind and as she talked with her grillz sparkling in the sun I watched her and listened with my own jewles silent behind my smirk.

“Yes, but only when it’s one sided.” She said, leaning back, “Which is the vibe you giving. You don’t sound like you want a 2 way street. You want to be loved without loving back and in that case you want to be admired and cared for like a queen on a pedestal, but not loved. That’s something else entirely.”

I hummed. I couldnt exactly refrute. Truth is I had never been in love, and she had, more times than she cared to admit. With a sigh I lifted my feet to her lap and she lifted her arms, letting my shoes land and hang off her thighs with no sign of disapproval. Then she put her arms back down and continued her feeding.

“Do you think im ready to love? Sometimes, I think I am and then this happens and i mistake worship for affection, like a child. You know, I feel so naive compared to you.”

“So dont compare.” She said it so casually and I couldnt find it in me to be offended.

“I just have more experience thats all, but every woman ive loved came out of nowhere and often when I was a total fucking wreck.” She smiled and held the bird seed loose as it sat on my calves.

“No ones ever ready.” She said, “Dont feel so behind in a race that doesnt exist. It will come to you “

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back in the sun. It was so warm and the park was noisy with life. Dogs running, people speaking, a guiter playing. I let the energy surround me as I spoke, sarcasm on my tongue.

“Yea? When?”

“I dont know. Maybe youll have to try in another life.”

“So morbid.”

She laughed and we sat on the bench anew. Deep in thought after a conversation we both had stake in, each forming into something different and confident as we sat there for hours, watching our surrondings change. It may have only been half a day but that park bench changed us. In the end, when our clocks told us to come back society, we did, and in that moment I did not feel so unlovable, and she did not feel so alone.