“If I kill you will you be satisfied?”

“How absurd a question when you know the answer.”

I stood above this being of blood and night and I cried. I had a foot on his stomach, my long silver blade above his heart, and I couldnt help but think; what should a man feel seconds before killing his own father?

“You could live,” I said, grit in my throat, “You could survive on the farm animals-“

“Like vermin!?” He yelled, still managing to fling his body around in disgust despite missing both his legs and a arm. Still, with the one arm he had he grabbed my blade in anger. He thought he was above eating souls he could not understand.

“I am a god! Do you hear me?! You may have a blade to my heart but dont think that the amount of blood ive lost can make me so weak. Who do you think I am boy?! Centuries of knowledge lives within me so do not be so insulting!”

I was quiet as he had his tanturum. I let him scream and shout profanities and concieted statements for a bit longer before I finally responded.

“If youre so godly, then why are you trying to die?”

He huffed. “Life is boring. After youve seen it all been through every joy and pain, you start to feel numb. There is nothing left to see and id rather die than live everyday with the same routine.” He stared up at the sky with tired eyes and released my sword.

“Hunt, eat, act, sleep. There is no satisfaction at the end of eternity.”

“I think youre too pessimistic.”

He tsked at me and kept his gaze high. “Always the hopeful one.”

He was silent for a second after that, and so was I. Neither of us talked for what felt like forever until he asked me a question.

“Do you think there is a afterlife for me?”

I didnt reply, I was still crying as I watched my sword shake and the tears fall.

“Son.” He said, “Do you think there is an afterlife for me? A good one?”

I raised my chin and told him the truth.

“No.”

He smiled at me and thanked me for being honest and i choked on the air in my lungs as his eyes closed. I knew a goodbye when I heard one.

Sad, I closed my eyes too, and in one fell swoop I pushed the sword into his heart as the sunrise hit my cheek. I felt it but couldnt bring myself to open my eyes. I didnt notice how long we had been fighting but its not like it mattered. It was over.

I sat still as I heard him wince. He didnt feel the sword but the sun was not so forgiving. It hurt me to hear him in pain and I almost kept my eyes shut until it was over, but I wanted to see him one last time and for my father, I opened my eyes. For a second he was a stranger, then when he saw me looking at him he immediatly put back on his face. He pretended he wasnt hurt as his last arm burned away to dust, and he smiled at me. That was my father, brave for his kids no matter what. But I wondered if I ever truly knew him beyond that face, beyond the role he was playing. I knew he loved us, mom, me, and my siblings, but did we ever really know each other. I asked myself this as I watched him fade away and right before his face turned to dust I saw it. The thing that made my father himself in every memory I had with him. It was that faint look in his eyes, the way his pupils looked on with utter disinterest, and I realized that even in death, he was bored.

So maybe we did know him. A version of him that had seen it all before and gotten tired of it. Perhaps he was different a century or 2 ago, but I dropped to my knees not really caring as I collected his ashes in my hands. In this century he was my dad, and I could live with that.

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Updates will now be on tuesdays and saturdays, 4x a week is a bit much for this year. Thanks for reading👋🏾