And I find myself wondering why no one is serious. I joked to a man that if he didn’t reply to my texts then I would cry. He told me not to cry about him because he ain’t shit anyway. Another one has refused to text me but is constantly liking my stories. A third followed my friend on Instagram after attending my birthday party and began liking her posts. And in case you’re wondering, no, neither me or her ever gave him her information but he still put in all that effort to find her. I bet you he wouldn’t do that for me.

This, is irritating.

And I think after all the bullshit and the lying, that it’s fair for me to be annoyed. Im tired of going back and forth with boys who don’t like me but love to pretend they do. I am not a toy to be used or a source of your entertainment.

And I don’t want to hold grudges, I don’t want revenge for how they did me wrong I just want a romance that isn’t painful. I want a lifetime of understanding and growing with someone who is more than a friend, but no one is serious. Or maybe no one wants to take me serious, I don’t know which it is, and I’m not sure if I care anymore. I want to be wanted. I want to show a boy my friends and list the reasons why I love them without him falling in love with them too. Why am I not enough? And why do I care so much about trying to be?

I used to think I was amazing. A pleasure to have and hold, but maybe I am a burden instead and my skin is more goosebumps and ghouls then smooth and sweet.

Im sorry, I thought i was loveable too.

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uploading will resume as normal when I dont feel like im dying😁