I have wanted love for longer than I’ve wanted to live. I think I fell for the concept when beast gave bell a library, and Aladdin tried to become better for Jasmine. Or maybe it was after i watched how quickly Flynn Rider chose repunzels life over his.

I think, i fell for the concept more than the people. The undying devotion and mentallity that nothing else mattered was so alluring to a girl who only had herself. And thats why im here now, alone because i want to be someones world as if they’re not already carrying the weight of their life before me. I know i cannot be labelled a priority to just anyone, not when it is a reward they dont give out consciously, but God do i want to be.

I want to drown in love and war. I want to hurt and get bandaged up by someone who loves the way I say their name. I want to be wanted, desired, ravaged if I have to be. Whatever it takes. That is my motto. And thats why im like this now. Its karma, my rightful retribution for spending so long thinking about what it means to be loved and not what it means to love.

I know i need to look outside of the movies to find peace but where do i start? In the crook of my neck where i want there to be kisses? In the back of my mind where i am still a child wishing my whole life didnt end at 4 walls and a driveway? Or maybe in my reflection, where i can see the signs of love in my untangled hair, brushed teeth, and active eyes?

Perhaps that is the best option, my mirror i mean, because I think that if I could look at more than my flaws then I could figure out how I managed to love myself through all this running. And maybe, just maybe, if I finally stop chasing a feeling, perhaps i can be caught by someone hesitant to let go.