Trigger warning: SA insinuated

I was falling.

I think I had been for a while, but this made me stop, my body did not feel like mine, something was wrong.

 I forced myself awake. The floor was cold, hard, and concrete. The air smelled horrible, like garbage left out in the sun too long, and only darkness surrounded me. I attempted to sit myself up but my muscles ached with a story I could not remember. My back was sore, my shoulders stiff. I was sure there were bruises but in my confusion, I couldn’t be sure. Looking around, I tried to get a grasp on what happened, but I had a headache, the sirens were annoying and my vision was faint. I was delirious.

Eventually I focused enough to notice a few things. The cup I was drinking before, it had the clubs logo on it and a powdery substance staining the bottom. I moved on, my body felt hot, like I was running a fever. I checked my clothes, finally able to sit up a little to notice my blouse ripped and my pants pulled down to my ankles. Then I heard my name being yelled, it was the same voice from before but closer. I pulled up my pants the best I could, the pain sending tears down my face. I left them unbuckled though as i attempted to stand only to end up falling.

I covered my mouth in disgust. It couldn’t be, but the terrifying truth is that it was. 

I crawled to a nearby dumpster and emptied my lunch in the mess. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. I wanted to shave my skin off if it meant that I could feel like myself again. I wanted to tear myself in half and dig out the parts they touched. I was scratching, trying to get the handprints off, I was peeling skin when the voice found me.

“Lai! Christ are you alright?! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” 

My sister ran to my side and wiped the drool and filth from my mouth. We were wearing the same thing only her top was pink and mine was green.

“Come on hun, lets go home”

She attempted to lift me but my legs failed us both. I started crying again, screaming actually. My body felt numb, I was hurting in so many ways, I didn’t know what to do. My sister helped me, she wiped my tears and held my body softly in her hands, her forehead on my head, she kept me close.

“It’s ok I know, I know.”

We sat for a while, until I felt like getting up. When I found the energy to stand she wouldn’t let me walk, she carried me on her back for five blocks until we made it home.

Now I’m in bed and shes taken her spot on the couch. And I’m realizing a fundamental truth, I will never get over this.