‘Arent a few lives worth it?’

I called him insane for even bringing up such a question. No, I replied, of course not. He said I was being emotional as I bobbed our baby on my hip. As if his take wasn’t rooted in a history where my ancestors sacrificed their minds and body’s for the gain of a country that let their city’s burn.

‘You would forsake thousands of people for what?’

‘The future. The lives of a few for the future of many.’

‘And if one of those few was me? Or your parents or our daughter-‘

‘Don’t do that-‘

‘Don’t interrupt me.’

His mouth shut as I held my baby girl on my hip. She was my complextion and shared the history of my parents parents, and their parents before them. I would not let him sit there in all of his privilege and let him tell a black woman and her black child that a sacrifice he would never have to make would be worth it. I would’ve rather killed us both than let her be a pawn for a future she would never see.

‘A utopia built off the labor and immolation of the people it has oppressed has no right to exist.’

‘You’re being extreme’

‘I’m being real. Do you think people won’t revolt? Do you not think that some will find death more comfortable than eternal servitude? I love you but you have never had to work for a thing that you have today. I grew up working and I became strong because I had to be and even then I wanted to die. If that was my forever paired with the atrocities I’d have to face as a woman servant under the control of men than I would’ve set myself on fire before my torture could begin. People crave freedom, you take that from them, even a small portion of them, then you might as well kiss your perfect world goodbye. Nobody likes a tyrant. Every great nation falls and you cannot control people forever.’

He reached out for me as i passed him and I couldn’t help but avoid his hands. We going on a walk, I said, we’ll be back.

I took a breather around the block with my little girl. She walked next to me as I held her hand, she couldn’t talk yet but she squeezed me a little tighter and I knew she could feel how I felt. With a laugh I wiped my face and lifted and spun her around. I wouldn’t let myself ruin our day and as she laughed back I could tell she was good with that. With a smile I smothered her in hugs and kisses when I suddenly heard the familiar lull of a loud engine. I turned as her dad pulled up next to us, his passenger side window down and eyes on me. I watched him through the open window of the sports car his parents got him and let my smile fade. Just from his expression I knew he had come to realize that I was right, and the epiphany of finding out that nothing in his life is truly his, besides us, was making his face red with embarrassment. I had accepted long ago that he would never understand what it’s like to be on my side of things, but I was just now seeing that he would have this same disconnect with his daughter. She will come to him in the future looking for comfort in her very being and he will not know the right words to say to her. But I guess that’s where I will come in. I can mend the bond between them when things get rough. I’ve known this man for long enough to know that he’s not adverse to learning, as much as his pride might take a hit, he’d do anything for his girls and he’d rather learn the same lesson a hundred times over than let either of us grow to hate him.

‘Im sorry’ he said, ‘I’m sorry for calling you emotional and just this whole stupid debate. If i ever lost you two to something so inhumane I dont know what id do. You two aren’t worth any utopia this god forsaken world can muster.’

‘And?’

He bit his cheek, ‘And neither are other people.’

I smiled and he smiled back, ‘Thank you love.’

‘Yea yea, now can you two get in the car, its hot out.’