I cut myself and let the blood flow into the river. It was enchanting how the leeches jumped wildly to catch the liquid, desperate, hungry. That’s how I wished to be desired. Proudly, I lifted my bleeding palm and my guilty one, and I prayed.

“Goddess,” I said, “please hear my call. I love myself, let this offering be proof that I am ready to love another.”

The wind did not answer but I didn’t expect it to. I took my offering from my bag and unwrapped it with shaking hands. It was an ensemble of fruit. I squeezed a few drops of blood on it and picked a handful of flowers beside me. The now barren ground was hard with displeasure, I didn’t care, this was not the god I wished to please.

I made a heart in the ground in front of me and let the fruit sit ideally in the middle. Then I prayed again.

”Goddess,” I said, “Adam’s true bride, Lilith, please bring me a man. It has been so long and I am terribly hungry.”